November 20, 2010

Aliens versus Do-It-Yo'self Home Building

Holy Moly....yep...don't adjust your's actually know, Malin...."Mom the Bomb," as it were....I wish I could tell you some spectacular lie about where I've been, such as helping Pelosi downsize her office abode (tee-hee) or jetting back and forth to D.C. to explain to those top government officials how public education SHOULD work (seriously ya'll, do we really need to hop on every "research-based" bandwagon that putt-putts by our children, who, by the way, are so bleary-eyed from practicing their high-stakes test takin' skills they look like they've pulled a couple of all-nighters at the nearest Chuck E. Cheese?)
But no, my life has been fantabulously busy with more, shall we say, less enticing situations?

Take for example, the three (count 'em: THREE) cases of pink eye my boy-who-needs-a-bubble brought home from preschool...and the one R-A-G-I-N-G case he gave to both eyes...for real, ya'll. I've also missed roughly 1.2 days per week since my last post to other germy attacks, a'la preschool-style, mainly in the form of exorcist-worthy vomit-fests (via previously mentioned two-year-old), snot faucets running full blast (again, via the precious, precocious T-Man, who fearlessless battles any and E-V-E-R-Y germ that crosses his path...*sigh*) in addition to the unsundry and evil exploits my underactive thyroid keeps throwing my way (we have yet to get my meds right...but we're getting closer...unfortunately my doctor says he's not sure if he can do anything about the ailment my husband refers to as "witchy with a 'b'." I personally have a remedy for that, but have enough sense to know it is not for public consumption as of this're really thinkin' about that one, aren't 'cha? *GRIN*).

In addition to our health woes, we've been building a house...and I swear it's from scratch. Kingdaddy and I decided we'd be frugal and practical and forgo any "lock-and-key" situation (you know, the simplest, least stressful mode of know, the one where you say, "This is what we go make it happen," and then roughly 3-8 months later your new house appears on its designated lot with your contractor  handing you your keys and everyone's all smiley and stuff). No, no, no....we weren't gonna have that, not in this economy, my goodness! No, we decided with all our expertise and stuff, we'd "help" the builders along as much as possible.
 My husband, seriously, is slowly morphing into Bob Vila, constantly talking about mortar, sheetrock, and other constructionable words. I have spent HOURS perusing the web for the perfect windows to install, the pros and cons of hardwood flooring versus a manmade imitation, and listening to Kingdaddy wax on about drilling holes into the porch floor (apparently it takes a few kazillion to get a porch floor just right...bless his heart, he's GOT to be tired of handlin' that drill).

Why just this morning our entire family, T-Man included, cleaned up the house from all the excess sheetrock that the installers didn't use. ****Excuse me for a moment....I had to laugh at that last line....I love how I made it sound as though we simply waltzed into the house, summoned the pieces to float out the door, and then load themselves on the bobcat (our very own tiny bulldozer - seriously, ya'll) and the dumper truck (my father-in-law's).*** Okay, the moment of amusement is over...onto the details: Chore Fairy Jr. and I got there first while Kingdaddy and T-Man secured the use of the dumper truck from Dear Old Daddy Freeman. She and I moved the 2.65 tons of sheet rock into the front room (what will eventually look like a living room) and it went really well...and really fast! By the time we had that done, the men showed up and we all loaded our tiny dozer (through the back door...of the house...not the dozer) of all the sheets, chunks, blocks, etc., from the back rooms. So far, all of that wasn't too bad. But then we had to move all the front room stuff out through my GEEORGEOUS (yes, I know it's not spelled right....I'm emphasizing each syl---a---bbllle for dramatic flair...come on, keep up) front door, down the porch, and off the end into the dumper truck. I kid you not, it took TWO truckloads to get rid of all that stuff! We could've easily sheetrocked SEVERAL handfuls of tents in third world countries with all that we threw out. Kingdaddy didn't think much of it, but I'm convinced we bought way too much of that stuff.

Once that was done, Chore Fairy Jr. and I spent an hour or so sweeping and scooping up the smaller debris, which sort of looked like gravel and sand. After we'd done almost all of the rooms, the men returned from their hauling off venture, and Kingdaddy commented that while our sweeping and cleaning looked good, perhaps it would be best if we just "leave it" because the dirty, sandy mixture is just  going to be covered up by more sheet rock mud, sand, etc., and the mess that's already there might just help prevent all that wet mud that's gonna be done this week from sticking too badly to the floor, making future cleanups easier. Well thank you for that opinion, however questionable the logic may's good to know things like that....BEFORE the fact, not AFTER. Hhmmph.

After such a glamorous morning, I'm sure you're dying to know about what I did this afternoon, right? Well girls, it only gets better from here! After getting T-Man to take a nap (which, by the way, are absolutely WASTED on the young and energetic), and a few elephant-sized loads of laundry, I drove halfway to the nearest town, down a gravel driveway that looked suspiciously like a gravel road one might follow to a lonely country church...or a whiskey still, to look at the walls of a man I've never met before. Yep. Let me tell you, this homebuilding stuff is just one big adventure after another. Now, I know what you're thinkin'..."Why did she drive all that way to look at some stranger's walls?" and that's a very good question (one I actually asked myself a few times), but really it all makes sense when you know that he had orange peel walls.


What's the matter?

OH!!! I forgot I wasn't talking about homebuilding with my dear Kingdaddy, LOL. "Orange peel walls" are one example of adding texture to your walls that sheet rockers can create. It's supposed to add texture, while having the super-nifty bonus of hiding any and all imperfections left behind by the natural sheet rocking process. Basically, they're bumpy walls, which as it turns out, look pretty cool. Honestly, I only went to appease Kingdaddy...he kept insisting I go look at this man's walls, so I figured how much trouble could it be, right? Well, don't tell Kingdaddy this, but I am glad I went, because I decided, after the man jumped my SUV's dead battery off (which is yet another story), I decdied that I would "stomp" the ceilings as LIGHTLY as possible (because apparently it's all but impossible to get a smooth ceiling without any imperfections GLARING at you and otherwise aggravating you in your day-to-day life) in every room and then do orange peel walls in the kitchen, dining room, living room, and hallway, with smooth walls in every other room of the house. Now, aren't you glad you asked? :)

Yep, I'm a regular homebuilding diva. That's me.

Oh, but don't worry, the aliens at school are still alive and kicking....HARD. While I love my kids, I have to say that this is the shall I put this.....hhhmmmm.....this is the most......"challenging" (picture me here   FRANTICALLY doing air quotes) group of young students I've ever encountered. *Ahem.* The principal and I have worked together on some strategies to help get these "challenging" scholars to be less..."challenging" and even he told me he was worried that my hair would soon start to fall out if something wasn't done soon. I told him not to worry...I'm far too focused on my eczema (which the doctor told me was triggered by stress) to worry about hair at this point. Seriously ya'll, my only choices at this point are to laugh or cry...and I've been known to do both simultaneously. Need meds much?

Let's just say this: prayers are needed, prayer warriors MUST be put into FULL TIME ACTIVE DUTY, and praise the Lord, pass the potatoes, we're almost halfway through the school year. I don't want to give you the wrong impression, because there are many wonderful things that can be said about this group - there are certainly some shining stars that stand out in terms of behavior, personality, and smarts - it's just that overall, this group actively "feeds off" each other, creating chaos in ways only these little aliens could create...which usually results in roughly 1.3 visits to the principal's office per week. *Sigh.*'s certainly never boring! :)

So, now ya' know what's been going on with me. I hate that I had to take such an extensive hiatus, especially with it being unannounced and unplanned. I almost certainly have lost my stalker status with Sofia, which I truly hate. Perhaps I can woo her back with some sweet, VERY heartfelt apologies?? One can only hope....if you haven't seen her blog, you absolutely MUST....she's TOTALLY dependable and awesome, unlike yours truly, at least this year anyway. Dependable, I mean. I'm still totally awesome, just not in a way that you can expect to hang your hat on regularly, at least this year anyway. But you should TOTALLY check her out:  from PDX with Love

Now! Shoo! Go comment on her blog...tell her how FABULOUS she is...and be SURE to tell her that I sent you, so that maybe....just maybe, she'll agree to allow me to stalk her again. ;)