February 20, 2010

pink M&Ms

Let's set the scene.

Adorable son, TMan, not quite two years old, sitting on couch. Adorable husband, Kingdaddy, sitting on floor facing TMan. They are doing their little father-son routine (tease, tickle, talk, giggle, etc.). It's Valentine's Day and there is an abundance of Valentine's candy around. Kingdaddy decides to share some with TMan, as we talk about our day. 

"Blah, blah, blah, got some nice flowers from one of my students, wasn't that so sweet?" says me.

"Yeah, blah, blah, blah,." says Kingdaddy.

I begin to notice that TMan doesn't look very comfortable all of a sudden. He has a strange look on his face - intense, yet uncomfortable at the same time.

Kingdaddy: "You didn't put an M&M up your nose did you?"

Me: "Oh, Lord"

Kingdaddy: "Hey, go get me a flashlight" (this is being said as he holds an unhappy TMan's head back and fruitlessly peers up the boy's nostrils. Did I mention that we live in a house so naturally "dark" that it's like a cave?)

I follow orders and bring Kingdaddy the flashlight.

We take turns shooting golden rays up our son's nose, desperately trying to see...anything.

We agree that all we see is what is supposed to be up there when you're sick and we go about our business.

TMan continues to look uncomfortable & unsure, and he sounds a little stuffy in a weird sort of way.

I keep staring at TMan.

Even in the darkness of the afternoon light, I can see something...what is that? Oh my heavens, it's's a pink trickle...a powder puff, pastel pink shade of trickle coming out of my baby's nose...OMG.

I report back to Kingdaddy, who has now moved on to his favorite computer games, and he insists it's gotta be unlikely, because we looked and didn't see anything.(Typical man.)

The phone rings. Kingdaddy takes care of that while I continue to stare up my son's nostrils with the now-retrieved flashlight for the second time.

More pink trickle, albeit very faint. I then tell Kingdaddy, "I swear I think there's an...."

and that's when it happens....


and we have in our midst, just in time for Valentine's Day...

Chocolate Snot!

OMG!!! I began hacking and grabbing at the tissue box, wishing I hadn't just witnessed such abuse of chocolate and unsure as to if  I'll ever be able to look at an M&M the same way again. 

As I continued to wipe, and wipe, and wipe, I had to wonder - just how much chocolate is IN a single M&M anyway? 

So - how was YOUR Valentine's Day?   

For original location of opening photo, please click here.

February 14, 2010

snow sick....uh, no snow...and sick...

Okay, if you live in the vicinity of D.C. or anywhere else that has gotten two BILLION tons of snow in the past two weeks, feel free to kill me now...I'll wait while you cast your voo-doo spells, gnash your teeth, and otherwise do/say unkind things about me and the generations to come after me....done? Okay, good. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I simply MUST vent.

I am an educated person. I know that precision in meteorology is an oxymoron of the largest kind.
HOWEVER, when we've heard the little shephard boy cry "wolf" (or in this case, "SNOW") three (count 'em, THREE) times in less that that many weeks only to get NOTHING or, wait, two flakes, it begins to grate on the nerves and reduces even the most mature adult, such as myself, into a teary-eyed kid of 6 who screams, "That's not fair! We NEVER get snow!"

I WANT MY SNOW. No, I do not want the two billion tons that the East Coast is trying to dig out of - no thank you...I may want snow, but I'm not stupid. But what I do want is enough snow for us, years later, to say, "Remember that really big snow we got in 2010? We made snow ice cream, snow angels, snowmen, and had the best snowball fight ever! Oh, and remember sliding down the hill on our cardboard "sleds?" What fun!"

Instead, what we keep REPEATEDLY getting is "Oh, yeah, it's gonna snow - be prepared. Have your winter weather preparedness plan in place people, it's gonna be a big one," only to wake up to...two flakes. We've already missed two and a half days of school (two of which we have to make up) - personally, I think the weathermen should have to shell out a year's salary to make up for our missed "snow" days of school. Then we'll be even.

To add to it, everyone in our family is sick, 'cept for Kingdaddy. Deep chest coughs, runny noses, fevers...we've got it all. We've got enough antibiotics to choke a herd of horses, yet still we cough and wheeze. How many shots is too many in one week? I've had five this week...and apparently need more. Ugh.

The only thing I think would cure our ill family? A heapin' helping of snow ice cream...which, guess what? The weatherman says we're gonna get it tonight...he doesn't have a clue does he? Bless his heart.

PS. OBVIOUSLY the photo is NOT from my camera, NOT taken on my road, and NOT of the TWO FLAKES we got here in AL. I swiped it from a Photoshop photo editing site:

February 8, 2010

things i would do IF....

Okay, I've been giving this WAY more time in my thought patterns than is reasonably reasonable, so I thought maybe if I could put it in writing, I would be less distracted by all that I WANT to do, so that I can actually get done all that I NEED to do (and lucky me, some of the things I "need" to do, I actually want to do - do you follow?).

But first, some background (this is where all my students would sigh really loudly, shift in their seats, possibly roll an eye or two and be thinking, "Come on, just get on with it already" - feel free to do any or all of the above if you feel it necessary.)

I remember being a kid and saying, "I'm bored." And I guess I was. But it's been EONS since I've felt that way, or even thought that. What I wouldn't give to be "bored" just once in my life these days. Apparently, when you hit the downward slope towards age 40, starting somewhere around 35, your life literally shifts into turbo speed and suddenly there aren't enough hours in the day to do all that you need to do, all that you are expected to do,  and certainly not all that you actually WANT to do. Recreation? What's that? I ask with a snort! Leisure? Who is she?

So, while I wistfully watch some of my stay-at-home-mom friends make up their own schedule and be their own boss of their time (okay, well, except when anyone in their family is home, which is often, I admit), I longingly imagine what I would do with my time, if I had "my" time to do with what I are a few of my ideas...

1. You know those 2,362 books stacked up by my nightstand (where I never get to read)? Yep - I'd read them all...twice. and Books-A-Million have made more money off me in the past three to five years with all my book buying and non-reading activities. And here I am, BEGGING most of my kids to crack a book and read - if only I were given a slice of the day for nothing but pleasure reading....oh, the beauty of it all is almost too much to bear! *Ahem* Okay, excuse me while I try to regain my composure...

Give me just a minute.

Okay, carry on.

2. On the same know all those Family Fun magazines and home decorating magazines and all those home catalogs I've been collecting for, oh, 2 years now (oh yeah, and don't forget the 322 issues of scrapbooking magazines I've held onto for over 7 years now??) Yep - I'd read them every one. Then I'd tear out the articles (the crafty how-to's, the recipes, the scrapbook page layouts, and the gorgeous pictures of the gorgeously decorated {and spotless} rooms in the gorgeous home decor magazines) and I'd file them in their proper places in my binders I keep. I know, I know. *Insert dork snort here.* But I really do. I love to file things and I love to have neat little binders with ideas and what-not that I can refer to back later. What can I say, I'm an office supplies junky who gets her kicks by filing and organizing information.


3. I'd learn to sew. I've come close a few times. I've even got a sewing machine that looks really, really awesome (we interrupt this blog post for a shout out to MomtheBomb's mother: "Thanks Mom! I promise I'll learn to use it before you're 100!") and I've bought some supplies for it (needles, thread, pin cushion, pinking shears, "Sewing for Dummies"), but I've never been unintimidated enough to actually set it up and take a crack at it. But I will. One day. Maybe sooner, if I can figure out how to harness the power of the universe and stop time - boy the havoc I could wreak with THAT superpower, Mwa-Ha-Ha! (evil laugh). That's for another post though.

Moving on...

4. You know all the crap/junk/stuff (the description we use depends on the kind of mood we're in at the time) that Kingdaddy is always complaining about? I'd Ebay so much crap so fast that we'd have to go shopping just to get by in our day-to-day lives. Hey, I love me some Ebay!

5. CLEAN. You can take a moment if you need to - I know - I actually said "clean" and I meant it. My goodness, when my family is out of the house (which is RARELY), the things I can get done are AMAZING when it comes to cleaning. I have no idea why this is. Perhaps they interrupt me occasionally (ya think?). Then again, maybe I don't want to shatter the image they have of me being all glamorous and diva-like and therefore I simply cannot be productive under their watchful eyes (uh, yeah, whatever). Regardless, I can't get JACK done with the house full, but buddy, empty it out for a few hours and let me loose. I would SO love to give this house the once (or twice) over....uninterrupted....glamor and all.

(You can actually purchase these beauties at this coolio-dude etsy store, IF you can convince the cool chich that makes them to make some more...just click HERE.)

Once again...movin' on...

6. Organize my photos on the computer. This takes me fifty-forevers, simply because I am so darn OCD that I make folders for my folder's folders and then get confused about where I put TMan's boot pictures or Chore Fairy Jr.'s birthday shots. would be nice to finally have a system up and running. And current.

Are you bored yet?

Good! 'Cause I'm not! Can you see now why I'm having a hard time concentrating on my blissfully full day-to-day life? :)

7. SCRAPBOOK - gosh I LOVE to scrapbook but it's been so long since I've done it, I'm wondering if I've forgotten how. This is one area Kingdaddy can gripe that I've got too much stuff/crap/junk (depending on the mood HE'S in - obviously since it belongs to me, it's my "belongings") - my scrap stuff takes up over half our bedroom (and we've got a HUGE bedroom). Then again, he's got a whole, no...he's got TWO whole shops, so wait just a darn minute...excuse me while I go yell at Kingdaddy for a amongst yourselves...

Boy, did I tell HIM. Heh-heh-heh.
Okay, where were we?
Numero ocho! (That's number eight for those of you who don't speak Spanish - betcha' didn't know I was bi-lingual, huh? I said bi-LINGUAL - you know, speaks two languages - not whatever on earth YOU were thinkin'...get your mind out of the gutter for Pete's sake)!

8. Take a photography class. I'm already a pretty darn decent photographer. I know that sounds super duper ego-maniacal, but it's true. I'm pretty decent at it. Now, after saving my money for over a year, and finally getting the most awesomest, coolio-dude camera...I'd love for someone to show me how to turn the friggin' thing on. Okay, not really, but I WOULD like to take a real class for learning how to adjust the ISO or the white light or any of the doo-dads that were so necessarily expensive to have. I can operate the bells...just needin' a little help with the whistles.

9. Start some new hobbies (as if I NEED more things to do): candle-making and soap making have caught my eye here recently and I've bought a few books on the topics (if you're wondering where I keep my books, it's NOT in the TWO shops I DON'T have, but rather a more inconvenient space...see #1 above), but with all my free time I simply haven't carved the time needed to embark on the new escapades. Nor do I have two, count 'em Kingdaddy, TWO, shops to store my "new-hobby-belongings" in. My son sleeps in the dining room as it is...maybe I could store the new hobby stuff under his crib, I mean there's TONS of unused space under there....hhhmmmm....

10. Catch up on my Bible study. Yes, seriously. I've started this book (okay, this is ONE book I actually make time to read each day, besides my Bible) that is all about praying your way through the Bible. Well, I got a little behind, so now I feel stressed about catching up, being a little OCD and all, and if today is February 8th, then I want to be reading the page with February 8th at the top, not February 2nd. I hate feeling like I'm behind schedule, which is ironic since I'm almost always late to every single thing I attend.

11. Organize and prep all the Children's Church crafts for the next 3 months. Woo-boy, I'd really feel caught up then! As of now, I'm often up til 3am on Saturday night trying to squeeze out perfectly prepared foam craft thingies for the next day's Children's Church service. I love doing it - just hate that "gotta catch up" feeling.

12. Organize and prep ALL my stuff for ALL my lessons at school, so all I'd have to do each day is reach for a folder or whatever and go. That would almost be as awesome as having my own aide, like Mississippi does for all their K-3 teachers.But NNNnnnoooooooooooo....not Alabama! No, we gotta be all tough it out, do-it-on-your-own-you-wimpy-teachers and stuff.

13. PLAY - on Twitter, on my blogs, on my computer, on the Internet, on Facebook (I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Farmville). Speaking of Farmville, can you believe someone has actually gone and created some sort of program that will basically play the game for you when you aren't able to be sad is that, that we are in demand of something to perform our leisurely duties??? Makes me crazy to think about it. Wish I'd have thought of it first though....then maybe I could quit my job, be a stay-at-home-mom, and feel as though I had stopped time by getting a few of these things checked off my list.



What would YOU do if you had an unlimited amount of interruption-free time (besides freak out because you know you'd be thinkin' you had died and had literally gone to heaven)? Leave your comments - I'd love to hear from you. And bless your heart for stoppin' by.

February 6, 2010

things that make you go hmmmmm....

1. Why does your hair ONLY do EXACTLY what you want it to do when it's dirty (and therefore not shiny and bouncy and really, let's be honest, non-baglady-lookin')?

2. Why does the phone stay silent all day long, but then rings off the hook when you are (a) about to leave the house in a mad dash to get to whereever you said you'd be ten minutes ago or (b) just settled down in the perfect position to complete whatever task(s) it is you do in front of the T.V. since we all know no woman in the world simply watches T.V. - we're multi-taskers by genetic makeup and therefore are not designed to do just one thing at a time, much less something so relatively mindless as watching the latest woman-in-peril Lifetime Movie (which, by the way, my husband LOVES...wonder if that means anything....hmmmm....) and then you have to move all your stuff, trying not to mess up any of your organized chaos in order to jump across the couch to snatch the phone off it's base, only to have the other person on the line hang up?

3. Why do you only remember that you really need to clip the dogs' nails when it's 2am and you are trying desperately to get to the bathroom without waking the baby that is sleeping not-so-soundly in his crib and said dog is tip-tapping behind you, taking two MONUMENTOUS SNIPPETY SNAPPITY steps for your every one?

4. Why can't printer ink be universal? Why must there be twenty-kazillion different make, models, and numbers of ink cartridges that we consumers have to keep track of?  Can't we just make it easy on all of us and have a black cartridge and a colored cartridge and be done with it?

5. Why is it that the only time you run into two billion people that you know is when you've run up to the quick stop for a quart of milk, wearing your "cleaning clothes" (bleached stained t-shirt, baggy sweat pants, slipper socks, crocs), but when you jet by the grocery store after church in your best church attire, you don't even know the cashier who checks you out?

Just thought I'd share a few "why's" - perhaps I'll start doing this on Wednesdays and make it a "Why Wednesdays" regular post.

Why didn't I think of that on a Wednesday instead of a Saturday?

February 2, 2010

kids are weird...

But in a good way...usually. At the very least, they're interesting. Here are a few things that I have learned in third grade:

1. Blue water is amazing: yes, water dyed with food coloring FASCINATES and TOTALLY EXCITES third graders.  Used for a science demonstration, all the kids were practically going into convulsions with their pleas to drink some.

2. They are the MacGyvers of the kid set: Third graders can take any regular household object (a-la-MacGyver style) and create what can only be described as some sort of art or robot or imaginary shooting device. The first week of school I had to confiscate all the paper clips they had found and the cap erasers I'd given them because of all the supplies they were "wasting" on their little 3-D projects. 

3. Customs agents would freak out: if any of these kids tried to enter the country from another land because they wouldn't hesitate to stuff an exotic animal or really anything non-exotic into their suitcases as a souvenir. Some of the things they've brought into the classroom include: worms, icicles, berries from the trees along the walking track, bugs, chipmunks (granted, that one was actually in a cage, but still), rocks, sand, sticks, and one dead frog. 

4. Ticker tape parades, confetti-throwing, and cymbal-crashing would be among the top choices of attention-getting gimicks they would use to entice a new kid to be their friend on said new kid's first day. Bless their hearts, third graders LOSE THEIR MINDS when a new kid enrolls in the class. It's as though they've never seen another child from outside their world. They all act insane, in the hopes of getting new kid's attention. Then when the new wears off, they complain about new kid just like they do everyone else. That's when the new kid knows he's "in." 

5. No passing zone! My word, this third grade class I'm teaching this year is VERY concerned with where they are in line and it doesn't matter if we're going to lunch or taking a bathroom break...whatever you do....don't pass. Granted, it is rather rude to pass someone when we're all going to the same place, but it is not the end-of-my-life-end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it if Bobby Sue gets to the toilet two seconds before I do. I guess since third graders don't have to worry about taxes and grocery shopping, their place in line must be what they lie awake at night mulling over. I wonder if they try to think up new strategies to improve their line placement skills: Tomorrow when Bobby Sue starts to line up I'll distract her by dropping my jacket on the floor and when she leans down to pick it up, I'll jump ahead of her and (*insert evil villain laugh here*) I'll be in front of her in line...maybe even by two people!

6. Lotion-enhanced Kleenex tastes like mints. It's true! No, I didn't go around licking tissues, but my kids did. I guess without that kind of novel thinking, (hhhmmm....I wonder what THAT tastes like...I think I'll find out) we probably would have no clue how great the taste of Kiwi fruit is or how yummy cows taste when properly seasoned and grilled. 

7. If you can't see me, then you can't hear me either. WAP! WAP! WAP! WAP! WAP! WAP! WAP! WAP!....*breathing hard* "Mrs." *breathing hard* "Freeman?" *breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe*, "we're back from P.E." Uh, yeah..."Jimmy Joe - don't run in the hallways." 
"How did you know I was *breathe, breathe, breathe* running?" 

  8. If my pencil says I'm special, it must be true. Third graders are very possessive when it comes to their pencils. I hear countless wails of concern about Jimmy Joe having Bo Boy's pencil and Loretty Lou having Leroy Wayne's pencil, etc., etc., etc., It's a community classroom - if you can't find a pencil on your desk or in our pencil cup, look on the floor - there's bound to be at least 12 of them lying around and some of them might even have erasers...if no one has used it for a scuplture/robot/weapon yet. 

P.S. If you don't know who MacGyver is, click here: